The CMM Level 5 Baggage Collection Process

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events or locales is entirely coincidental.

After a rather uneventful flight from Toronto to Mumbai, I got down at Mumbai airport and proceeded to the baggage collection area. As I waited near the conveyor belt, I saw a South Indian family of four – a couple with 2 kids – engaged in a serious conference. The father – a middle aged guy wearing designer goggles – was explaining some procedure to his wife and kids. The mother, a demure looking saree clad lady wearing flowers on her head, was listening to her husband silently while the inquisitive kids were bombarding the father with questions.

I was wondering what the conference was all about when things started getting clearer. The family proceeded to the conveyor belt and positioned themselves at strategic locations around it.

After watching their antics for 2 minutes, I realized what they had done. They had actually divided themselves into 4 business units for efficient baggage collection. 

Pre-Identification Unit (Smallest Kid)

Function: Identify all bags colored red, black and orange and signal the next unit.


Final Identification Unit (Elder Kid)

Function: Check the baggage tag and match it with ticket. On a successful match, yell out to the next unit.

Collection Unit (The Father)

Function: Collect the bag. In case of failure, signal the next unit.

Backup Collection Unit (The Mother)

Function: Collect bags if previous unit failed to collect them.

The next 10 minutes were straight out of a comedy movie. There was commotion all around the place.

Kid 1: Anna Red baggaaa

Kid 2: Appaaaa kadu kadu... ticket mismatchaaa

Father: Seri Seriii

Kid 1: Anna Black baggaaa

Kid 2: Appaaaa... matchaaa... thondarga thondarga

Father: Ekkadaa??? Seri seri... Aamaa Vijayalakshmi... thyaru avu

Mother: Serii serii

...

...

...

...

...

Thanks to their ingenious process, they had collected all their bags in 10 minutes. Meanwhile, other mortals around them were left with their jaws wide open. Like a true fan, I wanted to click their photo and get their autograph, but they vanished before I could get hold of my camera. Since that day, I always make it a point to visit the baggage collection area of airports hoping that I might see them, but I always end up disappointed.

Maybe someday..........

A day in the life of a software engineer

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events or locales is entirely coincidental.


My alarm clock went off in the morning and I dived to catch it. 
People who are wondering why I dived to catch it, can see my alarm clock below.

This clock has a wailing siren attached to a fan which takes off at the set time. You have to jump out of your bed to catch the fan and shut down the siren which basically ensures that your peaceful sleep is blown to smithereens.

I got out of bed and discovered that my room-mate was in the washroom. After an exasperating wait, he crawled out and I jumped in. Obviously I was extremely late for office. There was no time for a shave and bath. I stared into the mirror and within seconds, conjured up an illusion that I was actually looking pretty fresh and presentable. Happy with my efforts, I ransacked my closet for clean clothes but the only ones I found was a pair of T-Shirt and jeans. I wore them, sprayed myself with half a litre of deodorant and dashed off to office.

I was stopped by the security guard at the office gate and a horrific realization dawned upon me. I had forgotten my ID Card. Now, fellow software engineers will admit that forgetting your ID Card is an extremely serious offense which normally results in several years of rigorous imprisonment in Tihar jail.

I tried to convince that security guard that if I don’t reach my desk and resolve a production problem, the Canadian stock market will crash. I told him I live far away and it won’t be possible to get my ID Card. I asked him if he had heard words like pity, compassion, love for fellow humans. His expression remained unchanged.

I jumped into an auto and rushed home, picked my ID Card and returned to my office. I was again subjected to a security check where my bag contents were checked furiously. He asked me whether I had a camera, as photography within office premises was banned. I thought whether I should ask him if my iPhone came under the category of cameras, but I decided to keep mum.

I rushed to my floor and was stopped by a security guard. He told me that I had violated the dress code and he had been instructed by HR to catch and bring all violators to them. I pleaded with him to let me go but he didn’t budge. He dragged me to the HR department. I was subjected to a speech where they explained the company mission, values and why wearing jeans destroys the image of the company.

After an excruciating 15 minutes, I was finally let go and I reached my project area, carefully avoiding the furious glances of my manager. I started Eclipse and wrote some lines of code and initiated compilation. Fellow software engineers will identify the pain that a java compiler inflicts on you as it stress-tests your patience.

Meanwhile, I had to get some of my medical bills photocopied, so I went to the Xerox section. The security guard told me to put my name, number of pages and signature in a register. He saw that I had 11 pages.

“More than 10 pages not allowed. You have to get approval from your PL, GL and Admin head”
“It's just 1 extra page”, I pleaded.

His expression remained unchanged. I went to the coffee machine for a cup of coffee to calm myself down. The security guard came running behind me.

“Coffee machine not working Sir. It will start working from next week.”

I came back to my desk. Meanwhile, my manager had reached my desk.

“We have an issue”, he announced. He looked so worried, someone could have assumed that aliens had attacked our planet !

Before he could say anything more, the fire alarm went off and we heard an announcement saying that this was a fire drill, all employees should stay calm and follow the fire warden. My manager however was in no mood to let go of the issue that was troubling him. He ignored the fire alarm and continued to shoot orders at me.

Meanwhile, a senior admin guy noticed that we were the only ones on the floor and ran towards us like an angry bull. My manager tried explaining to him how important his issue was but the admin guy continued ranting about the importance of escaping the fire. A while later, their tempers were higher than ever and they were on the verge of hitting each other.

They finally decided to approach the location head to settle their dispute. My manager asked me to accompany him. I meekly followed him. A minute later, when he was not looking, I slunk away, ran straight for home and went off to sleep.

And thus ended a normal day in the life of a software engineer.