The Haircut

I was on my way to the grocery store when I saw a gorgeous girl standing outside a shop. She saw me staring at her and she signalled to someone. Suddenly, a couple of more ravishing girls came out of that shop and started smiling at me. I went weak in my knees... I had to go in and buy whatever that shop sold. 

Completely mesmerized, I entered the shop. The shop's nameplate read: Chi Wang - Hair Saloon

Holy crap !!!
There was no way I could allow them to cut my hair, my beautiful hair which had taken 8 months to grow this long. But if I did that, I would have to leave the shop immediately which was again not an option.

Me (to my brain): Please please... let her cut my hair.
Brain: Are you serious dude?
Me: Yeah... I will ask her to trim it very slightly. Believe me, it won't make a difference.
Brain: No way dude. There is no way in hell I am allowing you to do that

Meanwhile, one of the girls had come close to me and started taking my coat. The fragrance of her perfume made its journey through my nose and filled my brain.

Brain: Screw the hair dude... go for the haircut.
Me: Thanks man. I knew you would understand !!!

I was in a state of bliss as the girl took me to a chair and asked me to relax. I closed my eyes in anticipation.

After a minute, a strange male voice rang out, "How you want haircut?"
I opened my eyes and saw the ugliest looking Chinese guy I had ever seen with a gigantic pair of scissors in one hand and a comb in the other. I frantically looked around for my pretty angels but they were nowhere to be seen.

"Sorry. No haircut", I started saying looking for a quick way to escape.

He frantically nodded his head, suddenly opened his drawer and took out a machine. Before I could say anything, he had moved his villain machine on one side of my head and I watched in horror as my beautiful long hair fell down.

I saw myself in the mirror and was in a state of shock. One side of my head was almost bald.

"OK?", he asked.

At that moment, I swear I could have murdered him but then I realized that the damage had already been done and there was no point in murdering him. Besides I was looking crazy with one side of my head with 5 mm hair and the other side with 6 inches hair.

"Yes, OK", I replied.

After he finished, I looked into the mirror to see a mentally retarded person who had just escaped from the zoo. Meanwhile he came with another mirror and showed me my head from different angles. I felt like strangling him.

"That will be $20", he said with a very satisfied look.

On my way out, I saw those "pretty angels" pointing at me and laughing. Here are my Before and After photos !

From the land of Roshogollas

PaschimBanga... that's the proposed new name for West Bengal. I think they should have spelt it as PoshchimBonga considering Bengali people's love for the letters 'o', 'b' and 'sh'. But we will discuss that some other day. Today, we will take a look at the antics of a guy from the land of Roshogollas.

Scene 1 - Gurgaon, Jan 2007
Udaykumar Seethamsetti (let's call him Uday) was new to office and had just arrived from Hyderabad. He was searching for a house. Out of the 20 odd people around him, he approached Debobrata Chattopadhyaya (let's call him Deb) and asked him if he knew about good rental places. Deb told him to try Goonga Society in Sector 14 which had good rental places. He also added that Goonga Society was very famous.

Uday: Yeh society Goonge logo ke liye hai kya?
Deb: Hahaha... naa naa. Normal society hai.

In the evening, Uday went to Sector 14 and started searching for Goonga Society. He asked everyone he met about Goonga Society but no one seemed to know anything about it. After 2 hours of fruitless roaming, he came across a pan wala.

Uday: Bhaiya yeh Goonga Society kaha milegi? Suna hai Sector 14 mein bohot famous hai.
Pan wala: Goonga Society toh pata nahi lekin yaha par famous GANGA Society hai

The next morning, Deb came to office, sat on his chair and after he got up, realized that he had a chewing gum stuck to his ass.


Scene 2 - Gurgaon, Mar 2007
I and Jimmy (another colleague) were having free coffee (one of the few advantages of working in an IT company) when Deb joined us.

Deb: Just finished my call with onsite. I was talking to Norris. He was being very adamant and telling me to complete the work today.
Jimmy (has no idea who Norris is): Is it?
Deb: Yeah... I told him, “Dekh boss, yeh sab mujhse nahi hoga.”
Jimmy: You said this in Hindi?
Deb: Yes... why?
Jimmy: Norris... he understands Hindi?
Deb: Yeah... he understands Hindi, even speaks Hindi, better than me !!!
Jimmy (flabbergasted): How is that possible?
Deb: Norris is from Mumbai... so obviously he understands and speaks Hindi.
Jimmy (even more stunned now): Who is this Norris? Do I know him?
Deb: Yeah, you know him... Didn't you talk to him last week?
Jimmy: Are you talking about Naresh???
Deb: Yes.

10 minutes later, Jimmy "accidentally" spilled coffee on Deb.


Scene 3 - Gurgaon, Apr 2007
Deb: Mera Shwapna kidhar hai?
Jimmy (wondering who Shwapna is): Mujhe kya maalum?
Deb: Kal tere desk pe tha mera Shwapna
Jimmy (Doesn't know what's going on... slightly irritated now): Arre main koi Shwapna ko nahi jaanta
Deb: Jhooth mat bol... kal hi maine mera pencil sharp karke Shwapna tere desk pe rakha tha
Jimmy: Sharpner chahiye tujhe???
Deb: Yes.

That evening, Deb started for home and saw that someone had punctured his bike tyres.

The Story of my Life - An Autobiography by Hiranyakashipu

You must have heard about the story of Narasimha and Prahlada. Allow me to introduce myself. I am Hiranyakashipu, Prahlada’s dad. I believe that a lot of people are not aware of my story. So here goes -

The Birth

One evening, Mom told Dad that she wanted a kid. Dad checked his watch and told her that evenings are not a good time for such activities but she didn’t relent and Dad had to agree. It turned out that according to Hindu rules, children conceived during twilight are born as demons. And so, I and my twin brother Hiranyaksha were born as demons.

Hiranyaksha’s Death

One day when I was relaxing with my wife, a messenger came to me with the news of Hiranyaksha’s death. On further inquiry, I came to know that he was killed by Vishnu.

Brahma’s boon

I had to avenge my brother’s death and killing Vishnu was the only way. I studied my history books and realized that defeating Vishnu wasn’t easy and I needed a smart boon from Brahma to achieve my target. I gathered a team of Business Analysts and told them to quickly come up with a Business Requirement Specifications (BRS) document in 10 days. They came up with the following requirements -

Ø  Immortality against each one of Brahma’s creations.

Ø  Cannot be killed indoor or outdoor

Ø  Cannot be killed during day or night

Ø  Cannot be killed by men or animals

Ø  Cannot be killed by living or non-living objects

Ø  Cannot be killed on earth or space

Satisfied with the BRS document, I proceeded to Mandara mountain where I meditated for years. Finally, Brahma appeared, read my BRS document and approved it.

King of Heaven and Birth of Prahlada

Armed with my new powers, I forced Indra to resign and became the new ruler of Heaven. My life was stable now and the future looked good. So I decided to plan for a kid and Prahlada was born. But there was a problem - that damned kid kept chanting “Narayana Narayana” all the time. Being a responsible father, I told my kid to enjoy life, concentrate on his studies and be a good human being instead of monotonously repeating a single word “Narayana”, a million times a day for no reason. But you know how stubborn kids are. He still continued with his chanting.

Encounter with Narasimha

I was going nuts with this “Narayana” chanting. I had to put an end to it. I searched Wikipedia to find out what this "Narayana" meant. I was horrified to see that it was one of Vishnu's nicknames. I called up Vishnu and told him to appear in front of me if he had the guts. Suddenly, a strange dude with a lion’s face and human’s body appeared in front of me and claimed that he was going to kill me. I laughed and told him about Brahma’s boon. He informed me that Brahma’s boon was not applicable in this scenario as the BRS document had not covered the following Use Cases -

Ø  Guys like Vishnu, Shiva, etc who were not created by Brahma

Ø  Corridor (neither indoor nor outdoor)

Ø  Evenings (neither day nor night)

Ø  Creatures that are a mix of man and animal

Ø  Fingernails (neither living nor non-living object)

Ø  Thighs (neither earth nor space)

The End

And I was killed by the Narasimha dude. I guess I should have hired my Business Analysts from TATA Consultancy Services.