I met a rather nasty kid in the elevator today who jumped in with his parents and immediately started pressing all buttons on the elevator panel. His parents had a “How cute !!” look on their faces while the remaining of us had a “Can someone murder this kid?” expression. As you can probably guess, the journey to my floor took a lot longer than usual and I started thinking about nut cases I keep meeting in elevators.
The Deaf Music Lover
These type of people usually come with their iPods and headphones but the volume is so deafening loud that you can hear the music on top of everything. We understand that you love the music but is it really necessary to impose it on the other hapless souls around you?
The Impatient One
This one believes that every elevator comes with a secret functionality - The more times you press elevator buttons, the faster the elevator will travel !
The Weightless One
Picture this situation - The elevator is jam packed and is displaying a “Elevator Overloaded” message. Someone is still trying to make their way into the poor elevator. Even if you tell them that the elevator cannot carry their weight, they ignore you and continue standing inside. If you see these type of people, then congratulations - you have met a species of human beings that are weightless !
The Shield
This one enters the elevator and stands right in front of the elevator panel totally blocking it. If you want to press your floor button when these guys are around, then tough luck !
The Chatterboxes
These type of people love to discuss everything during their elevator rides - ranging from the Big Bang theory to why Angelina and Brad got divorced. And the discussions are usually at a high volume. However I must admit that I owe most of my “general knowledge” to these guys.
The Cellphone Addict
This one enters the elevator looking at his phone, keeps looking at his phone during the elevator ride and exits the elevator without taking his eyes off his phone. These type of people sometimes forget to press their floor button and often end up at the last floor of the building.
The Blocker
This one will stand right in front of the elevator door even if there is space at the back. He is probably scared that if he gets pushed towards the back, he will never be able to get out !
The Yeller
Everyone knows that cellphone reception is bad in elevators, unless of course, there is a cell tower inside one. Yet, some people keep talking on their cellphones, increasing their volume every second. I mean, if you want to yell that loud, do you really need a phone to talk to the person at the other end?
The man with a killer dog
Your elevator doors open and a guy enters with a 4 feet tall dog who looks at you as if he will gobble you up in an instant. You are terrified but the dog owner insists that the dog is totally harmless and cute. One deadly bark is all it takes for you to wet your pants !
The Jammer
These type of people will insert their hand or foot between the elevator doors while they are closing. While they successfully get the doors open most of the times, they sometimes end up temporarily disabling the elevator, specially when you are running extremely late.
It’s been more than 150 years since the elevator was invented but I guess it will take another 500 years before human beings learn proper elevator etiquettes. Till then, let us pray for poor souls like me who have to endure these lunatics everyday.
