The IIM Calcutta... I mean Joka Interview Experience !

It is One Year Fulltime MBA admission season again and I took a trip down memory lane to relive my MBA interview experiences. Considering the humorous tone of this blog, I decided to pen down some excerpts from my IIM Calcutta PGPEX interview. Here we go.

3 interviewers are sitting in front of me. Two are stern looking professors and one is an alumnus. The professors have clearly not had any fun in the last 30 years of their existence. The alum seems to be an insanely proud IIMC family member considering that he is wearing a thick jacket with a huge IIM Calcutta logo on a hot Mumbai day. The interview starts.

Interviewer: Why do you want to join Joka?
Sanket: Joka? Sorry but I am not sure what Joka is.
Interviewer: Why have you come here?
Sanket: I thought this was an interview for IIM Calcutta.
Interviewer: We are not in Calcutta, we are located in Joka which is completely different from Calcutta. Now, are you sure you want to come to Joka?

At this time, I am not sure what the interview panel wants to tell me. Is Joka built on top of a graveyard? Is it frequented by aliens? Why is going to Joka such a big deal?

Sanket: Sure, I mean if IIM Calcutta is located in Joka, then I am okay coming to Joka.

The interviewers look at each other with evil smiles. I am a bit nervous now.

Interviewer: You are already earning an astronomical salary. Why do you want to sacrifice this salary and take a break from your job right now?
Sanket: Astronomical salary? Sir I think my salary is pretty much in sync with my experience.
Interviewer: Your application form says that you earn close to Rs. 250,000 per month which is astronomical considering your experience.

Holy shit! I had probably goofed up the numbers on my application form. How could I do that?

Sanket: Sir it is probably a typing error. Can you show me the form please?
Interviewer: Here.
Sanket: Sir you are looking at my annual salary from my previous job in 2006. It is not a monthly salary.
Interviewer: Ahh okay. No problem. So why do you want to do an MBA?

Thank God. The famous "Why MBA" question. A normal sane interview seems to have started. I can breathe easy now.

Sanket: I have been working in a management role for the last 5 years and all my current knowledge is based on practical experiences. At this stage, I want to systematically understand the theory and science behind general management, marketing, sales and finance to progress further in my career.

Interviewer: What a globe response !

Now what the fuck is this "globe"? I am starting to get flustered now.

Sanket: Sorry I didn't get you. Globe?
Interviewer: In Joka, globe means a random statement that can be derived by anyone based on common sense, but is presented in an obfuscated manner to appear intelligent. Your reason for doing MBA is completely globe.
Sanket: Okay, but that is my actual reason for doing an MBA. If you think it is globe, then maybe it is for you.

Their faces look grumpy. Maybe they don't consider me worthy of Joka. But I am not giving up so easily.

Interviewer: Why not study everything from Coursera. Most of our courses are available online. Why join Joka?
Sanket: Well, discipline is one aspect. I have tried doing online courses but it is difficult to balance it with my job. A simple 2 week course takes months to complete. If I take a break and concentrate on studies, I will be able to learn much faster. Another aspect is the two way interaction between students and faculty, which is not possible for online courses. I will be able to learn much more from IIM Calcutta faculty, I mean Joka faculty than a Coursera course. Peer learning is also another advantage.
Interviewer: Again a globe answer. Give me a better answer.
Sanket: Sir the brand also matters. A certificate from this institute will open more doors than a Coursera certificate.
Interviewer: Globe again.
Sanket: Well, why did you do engineering? Online courses would have covered the whole syllabus, right?
Interviewer: I am not an engineer.
Sanket: It was more of a rhetorical question sir. I cannot think of any more reasons right now.

At this stage, I am not sure what these guys want from me. Given a choice, I would prefer to be deep fried alive than go through this conversation.

Interviewer: Okay. Explain how 4G works.
Sanket: Sorry I am not aware of that.
Interviewer: But you are an Electronics and Telecommunications engineer, right?
Sanket: Yes sir, but that was 12 years back. I have been working in the IT industry post engineering.
Interviewer: But still, you should know how 4G works.

There are some moments in life when you wish you were a ninja warrior so that you could punch the living daylights out of some people. This is such a moment.

Sanket: Sorry sir, I haven't kept in touch with trends in the telecommunications industry. I can talk about trends in the IT industry.
Interviewer: Tell us about blockchain
Sanket: (explained the basic concepts with some examples)

The panel seems a bit happy. Am I dreaming or is this real?

Interviewer: Will you join Joka alone or with your family?
Sanket: I plan to join with my family. Will that impact my selection chances?
Interviewer: No, it should not. Do you have any questions for us?
Sanket: People say that IIM Calcutta MBA is maths intensive. Do you recommend that I...
Interviewer (abruptly): Ok thank you. You may go.

I don't know what happened. Did they get upset because I said IIM Calcutta and not Joka? I step out of the interview room and other candidates waiting for their interview ask me how my experience was. I smile at them and make a quick exit !

Ordering a Coffee

It is my first visit to Starbucks. I walk to the counter to get a cup of coffee. A sophisticated looking girl welcomes me at the counter.

Girl: Welcome to Starbucks sir. What will you have today?

Me: I’ll have a coffee.

The girl has a rather shocked expression on her face. Apparently, she has never seen anyone ordering simple plain coffee at Starbucks. She gives me the “I-don’t-know-where-these-buffoons-come-from” look. But she quickly recomposes herself.

Girl: Hmm… so what kind of coffee would you like?

Ahh! She wants to dive deeper. No problem. I have some basic coffee knowledge.

Me: I’ll go for a cappuccino.

Girl: Okay. Do you want to go for standard, dry, wet or flavoured?

Me (a bit flustered): Umm… standard

Girl: Would you like whole, nonfat, 2 percent, soy or coconut milk?

Huhhh!!! I have no clue what this girl is saying.

Me: Normal milk.

Girl: Okay that would be 2 percent. Good choice sir. Would you like decaf?

Me: Well, okay.

Girl: Would you like Short, Tall, Grande or Venti?

I am in a state of panic now. I am not sure whether this girl is talking in English or not. I start looking for an escape route. Suddenly, a guy comes behind me and nonchalantly rattles off his order. 

Guy: I will have a Venti Iced Skinny Hazelnut Macchiato, Sugar-Free Syrup, Extra Shot, Light Ice, No Whip.

Girl: Right away sir.

Eureka! I have found my solution. I look at the girl and say - 

Me: I will have whatever this gentleman ordered.

Girl: Sure sir. Can I have your name?

Me: It’s Sanket

She takes a rather large glass, writes “Snake” on it, pours my drink into it and hands it over to me.

Me: My name is Sanket, not Snake.

Girl: That is what I have written sir.

I have no further energy to spend on this rather complicated conversation. I take my coffee and leave.

P.S. After studying the Starbucks syllabus for a while, I was able to gather enough confidence to visit the joint again and I am pleased to report that I did perform rather well. And surprisingly, during my research, I also figured out why the Starbucks girl misspelt my name. It is apparently a genius way to market their brand !

The Leaking Tap

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events or locales is entirely coincidental.


It is a lazy Sunday morning and I am still in bed. My peaceful life seems too good to be true. Suddenly the wife walks into the bedroom in a state of panic.

"The bathroom tap is leaking", she announces.

I pretend to sleep but she pulls me out of bed and drags me to the bathroom. I take a look at the tap and it is a ridiculously unnoticeable leak, I mean, there is a drop leaking every 10 seconds or so.

"That's not a leak", is my response as I proceed to head back to bed. But the wife is in no mood to relent. She proceeds to lecture me about the shortage of water in our city and how the Zulu tribe in Africa struggles for water. Seeing that I am unaffected by her theatrics, she gives up temporarily and disappears into the kitchen as I drift back to my state of bliss.

A while later, she again storms into the bedroom and forces me to recheck the leak. This time, I can see a thin line of water coming out of the tap. The wife tells me to call a plumber and get it repaired immediately.

I am aghast at the thought. I argue, "Why do we need a plumber? I am an engineer. I can do it myself". The wife tries to convince me that engineering and plumbing are separate branches of science but I am adamant. She finally proceeds to the market for grocery shopping and tells me that the tap should be repaired by the time she comes back.

Now, the wife generally takes 2 hours for grocery shopping, and I am confident that I can repair the tap in 30 minutes. So I head back to bed. I wake up after a while and realise that I have been sleeping for more than 2 hours. I dive towards the bathroom and start inspecting the tap. I press down hard on the tap and rotate it. The leaking stops. Ahha! I have found a temporary solution to the problem in less than a minute. My inflated engineer ego is now sure that I can fix the issue permanently. I get my toolbox and start tightening the tap bolt using a wrench.

Suddenly, the universe decides to take revenge on me for all my misdeeds and the tap comes apart, sending a sharp spray of water in all directions. I am dripping wet in a second and so is the complete bathroom. I try to choke the tap using my T-shirt but the tap turns out to be more powerful than I imagined.

In a state of panic now, I decide to keep my ego aside and call the plumber. Fortunately, he is in our building and comes immediately. He has a spare part in his inventory and fixes the tap in a minute. I am now convinced that engineering and plumbing are separate branches of science. However, I cannot admit this to the wife and get the "I told you so" treatment. So I decide to keep this as my little secret.

I pay the plumber with a Rs. 500 note. He says he doesn't have change and will return the balance the next day. I tell him that I will collect the balance from his shop later. The plumber is gone and the house is left with a wet bathroom, a perfectly working tap and of course, a smart and victorious engineer. 5 minutes later, the wife is back home and is greeted with a casual story about how I repaired the tap in 5 minutes with my expert engineering skills and how all plumbers will be out of their jobs if there were more husbands like me !

The wife is definitely surprised, I think she suspects some foul play after looking at the wet bathroom and my dripping clothes but she has probably believed me. My Sunday is going rather well. Suddenly the door bell rings. Who could it be at this time? I open the door and my world comes crashing down. It's the bloody plumber who has decided to return the balance money. I spend the next one hour listening to the wife's "I told you so" speech as I agree to her punishment clauses which include taking her for shopping in the evening.

I may have lost the battle but the war is not over yet. I will have my revenge soon...